


Do you even know me? Did you even bother?

by Izumi284



Series: When the Darkness Claims Us [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Good Orion Black, Good Regulus Black, I love Regulus :(, Implied/Referenced Suicide, James Potter is a Good Friend, Regulus Black Deserves Better, Regulus Black Lives, Regulus Black has some illness that often causes him to cough up blood, Sirius Black is a Good Sibling, Suicidal Thoughts, Verbal Abuse, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, but no one knows, he didn't tell anyone :(
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 06:01:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29994957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izumi284/pseuds/Izumi284
Summary: Sirius and James sneak into Grimmauld Place to get some answers
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Orion Black & Regulus Black, Orion Black & Regulus Black & Sirius Black & Walburga Black, Orion Black/Walburga Black, Regulus Black & Kreacher, Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Sirius Black & Black Family, Sirius Black & James Potter
Series: When the Darkness Claims Us [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2206386
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52





	Do you even know me? Did you even bother?

**Author's Note:**

> This is a new Sirius POV that I just started writing. I wanted Sirius to know the pain he made Regulus go through.  
> Inspired by  
> till you overflow by rxgulus  
> Mistakes We Knew We Were Making by oh_the_irony  
> When the Night Closes In by LilyofAzra

Sirius’s breath hitched as he stood outside his childhood home, if you could call it a home, in the chilly night. Never in his entire life, did he think a day would come when he’d have to return to _this hellhole._ He wanted to turn back, but he needed answers and without those, coming here would’ve been a waste. It hadn’t changed in the slightest since he last left. Still stubbornly tall and grand as he remembered. Most of the lights were out indicating that everyone was probably asleep.

For the past two years, since Sirius joined, someone had been sending the Order notes. Notes speaking about Voldemort’s agenda and warning them. They had been able to avoid many causalities beforehand thanks to their mysterious spy. No one in the Order of Phoenix knew who it was, though Sirius would bet _Dumbledore_ did. The notes were often sent to either Dumbledore or Moody, but just this once, it was sent to James. When Sirius grabbed it from James to inspect it, he felt his stomach drop. He’d recognize that elegant scrawl anywhere.

_Regulus_.

Sirius felt his heart flutter with a small hope, that maybe, _maybe_ Regulus had figured out what he was doing was wrong. _Maybe_ their last conversion, in which all Sirius did was yell at him, had gotten to Regulus. _Maybe_ Regulus had reflected on it and was trying to atone.

He wanted to know. He wanted to know whether it was true. He wanted to confirm whether or not he was bearing false hope. He wanted to know the truth before the hope manifested itself in him completely because if he turned to be wrong, it would crush him.

So he came. Along with James, so that the atmosphere of his former prison wouldn’t suffocate him. He released a shudder. The cold was starting to get to him.

“You okay, Padfoot?” asked James, patting his shoulder.

“Fine, just a little nervous.” Sirius replied, his voice barely a whisper.

James looked at him with worry in his eyes (the mother-hen he was) and asked, “We could go back, y’know? I mean, this isn’t even an Order mission. We’re just here out of curiosity.”

“ _No_.” It came out more forcefully than it needed too. He let out a breath and closed his eyes and started “I mean, no, Prongs. I just really need to know, you see.” He corrected himself and James nodded stiffly looking at his determined expression.

“Well, what’re we waiting for then? Come on!” said James, his face breaking into a huge grin.

Sirius smiled and pulled the invisibility cloak over them. James added a few silencing charms around them. They needed to be cautious. Sirius was a Black therefore he’d be able to enter easily. James, he wasn’t so sure. So, just in case, they huddled closer.

Getting in was surprisingly easy, even with the new wards that were probably erected by his Father. Fortunately, the alarms didn’t go off. They made their way through the hallway as quietly as they could, even though they had charms all over them, Sirius couldn’t help but feel paranoid, as if his Mother would jump out from any corner had start screaming at him.

Nothing had truly changed. The place was impeccably clean and dark, but what pricked at Sirius was the silence. It was so quiet; one would think that not a soul was living here.

“Uhh, mate?”

He turned to James who was squinting his eyes and clearly making an effort to move silently without bumping into anything. They’d already made it to the staircase and Regulus’ and his room were on the third floor. Their parents’ on the second.

“Isn’t it a bit too dark? Should we light our wands? We could do it inside the cloak?” James asked, giving a shiver. If it was a normal time, Sirius would’ve laughed at the nervousness in James voice. But Sirius was just as afraid of this place.

“We’d better not. Sorry, mate, I just—I just really don’t feel that safe here. I might be being too paranoid—" James broke him off and said, “Don’t worry about it, Pads. I get it. Lead the way then, ‘cause I’m practically blind right now.”

Sirius could’ve embraced his friend for that alone. He’d properly thank him later. They were on the second floor now and Sirius felt dread fill his lungs as he saw the light coming from the corridor. It was dimly lit, just as his parents had liked during the night time. He’d forgotten.

“They’re awake,” He whispered to James. The poor guy himself seemed quite worried.

“I can see that. Let’s just hope we don’t run into your mother, of all people.” James mumbled, clutching the cloak tighter.

“Right, let’s hurry.” Said Sirius and turned towards the stairs.

What he saw next made Sirius’s heart stop in his chest.

“ _Regulus_ ,” he breathed.

Merlin, he was so _small_. He was an entire head shorter than Sirius. His raven hair were hanging above his eyes and Sirius was surprised their Mother even let him grow them out. What caught his attention more was the sickly color to his skin. Regulus had always been pale, paler than Sirius himself, but this was different. There were also slight bags under his eyes as if he hadn’t been sleeping properly. He had his usual emotionless expression on his face, his eyes dull as if he was dead, and his robes made him look as princely as ever. Regulus was handsome, sure, but was only ever seen as Sirius’ shadow. They were so similar in appearance; some had even thought of them as twins.

As kids, Regulus had always clung to Sirius like glue. He had always looked up to Sirius with admiration in eyes. Sirius had also promised Regulus that he’d never leave him, but he did. Sirius left Regulus alone in this abusive household. He had not looked back. Not even once, he realized, did he turn and ask Regulus to come with him. Sirius had thrown him away. The brother he’d loved so much, was thrown away just like that. How must’ve Regulus felt?

There was a sharp pain in his chest as well as growing guilt.

When had he given up on Regulus? When he was sorted with the snakes?

Sirius turned to direction he’d just come from.

The floor below. The living room probably and judging from the soot on his robes, he had just come back from who knows where.

James elbowed him lightly and asked, “Since we’ve run into him, should we just follow him?”

Sirius nodded weakly; his throat too tight for any words to come out.

Regulus walked up the stairs to the third floor with James and Sirius on his tail. Regulus walked a few steps in the corridor and stopped.

Sirius thought they’d been discovered and pulled the cloak tighter. James must’ve thought the same as he started muttering disillusionment and more silencing spells.

He thought he would stop breathing when he saw where Regulus was standing and what he was staring at.

It was Sirius’s room.

Regulus stared at it for a long while before reaching out his hand to open the door, only to stop in his tracks, shake his head, and move forward to his own room.

Sirius stared at the plaque at Regulus door for a seconds before James told him to hurry in.

Luckily, Regulus didn’t immediately close the door and, with much difficulty, he and James were able to sneak inside.

It hadn’t changed either. The Black Family crest hung on the wall, the multiple bookshelves lined up neatly with the books in alphabetical order, his bedspread tucked in and the only thing out of place was his messy desk. His room, thankfully, was lit up completely. It was quite a relief to his eyes actually. He was getting tired of the dark.

After locking his door, Regulus leaned against it and let out a long shaky breath. His hands started trembling. He raised a hand to his chest and inhaled and exhaled loudly. When the trembling stopped, he rushed to his desk and took out a piece of parchment and started scribbling something Sirius couldn’t get a peek of and folded it neatly. He opened the door to his owl cage and tied the letter to his owl’s leg. He took it out and opened his window. When he spoke, Sirius was shocked at how hoarse his voice was.

“Take this to Dumbledore and you must hurry, Elentiya—” _Elentiya? What kind name was that?_ “—lest you be too late. They’re in grave danger and they need to know. Now go!”

He released the owl into the midnight sky and closed the window.

James let out a gasp and whispered excitedly, “It really was _him_!”

Sirius exhaled heavily and felt his knees buckle with relief.

“Good for you, eh, Padfoot?” said James, patting or rather _hitting_ Sirius’s back.

“Sure is,” said Sirius, his mouth curving into a smile. He had never felt so relived his entire life. Were he not under the cloak, he would’ve hugged Regulus. He was itching to, in fact, until a scream erupted from the floor beneath them.

“SIRIUS BLACK! GET DOWN HERE THIS VERY MOMENT!”


End file.
